I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
