My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
