I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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