I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
