I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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