Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
