Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
