real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
