You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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