glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
