So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
