The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
