Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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