The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
