Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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