ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
