i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
