So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I love you. Go after that dick
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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