He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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