so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
