the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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