I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
