ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
