Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
