Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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