I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
