u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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