I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't deserve a penis
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
