just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
