Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The Olympian is in my bed
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
