Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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