I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
