i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
