Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
