Just mADE A PArabola og urine
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
try to milk me bitch
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