We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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