Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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