i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
