Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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