he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
