some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
