just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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