i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
