Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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