Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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