I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
