I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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