when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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