the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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