So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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