I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
