..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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