All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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