My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
