one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
