Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude i'm inner monologue high
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?