I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
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stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.