I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.