You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
