Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
