Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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