Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
