So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
