Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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