i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
