I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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