I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
