so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
