I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
