just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
