Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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