Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
