Apparently you make a good broom.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
