Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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