I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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