The maid of honor just puked.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
