last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
