I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
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