mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
