Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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